Emptyness :(

It was 11months and 5days, October 7th of 2012, I though we had it good but then you started acting weird and I thought something was wrong and I ended up being right because when we went to part ways for the day you put you had on my shoulder and then I put my hand on yours (the same hand you put your hand on my shoulder) and the next thing you said I didn't expect it. You first switched hands so it was on the other shoulder and I eventually dropped my had and then you said, what left me felling empty till this day, "I think we should see other people" and my smile just dropped along with my heart but my heart doesn't feel as if its there, like I'm empty and all I can feel is sadness and hurt. All I said to that was "okay" because I can't make you stay with me and if your happy that matters the most. Then he was like "Okay?" and all I said was "Okay" and there was silence for awhile and then I said "Well Bye' and he said "Bye" we walked are separate ways, me with a stream of tears rolling down my face and a broken heart because I Love Him so dearly and never had felt so happy but that day was just starting a disaster for me. When I got home and he soon texted me and we started talking about it he was like you only said "Okay" and your smile just faded, so I said what you expected me to be happy about it and just keep smiling like nothing happened and I didn't know what to say so I said "okay", I asked him why and he told me he almost kissed this other girl and all he could think of was me and something about it felt right, so I got my answer to it but wasn't very happy with it. He said he still wanted to be friend and hoped that this wouldn't harm it and I said of course I'm not like other girls that just stop talking to them, but yes I did avoid him for a few days then when I started to talk to him more and more each day it hurt but I dealt with it so he can be happy and I notice more and more each day how hard it is to be friends with someone you love.I haven't been able to go to sleep without a tear sliding down my face, I tend to listen to sad music and when ever I see him with another girl (even if there just friends) it hurts, and I believe I get jealous because I'm not really sure what jealousy feels like. Now day after day ever since that day I have been focusing on school and pushing the hurt and sadness away but it never works.I see people happy all around me but I just put a smile on my face, hoping that no one will see just how fake it is, and laugh as if I was back to myself and even make them happy and help them with thing's. Who is there for me I feel so lonely yet not, I feel mainly empty, hurt and sad. :( I thought it would get easier but it really hasn't much except that I haven't been crying to much. As soon as I see him I just wanna hug him and kiss him but I can't, 'just a hug' I have to remind myself and when I hug him my heart beats rapidly and just his touch I feel safe and calm and happy. When I pull away I feel more empty knowing he isn't mine anymore and what I was scared of happening happened and my wall just builds up higher and higher so it will be harder for me to trust and love someone again.