:'(

When will it stop hurting, I never had to actually go threw this part hurting like hell but if this what he want Okey as long as he is happy. It's hard for me to tlk to him still I get choked up when I try n when I hug him it still makes me hurt afterwords. I wish I could stop crying wrong uncle gave me great advice but it still doesn't remove the pain. All the smiling today for pics made me hurt more cuz most are fake n just reminds me how easy he could make me smile but now can't face him without a tear. I can wish many things but I can't do anything but if he is happy then it's fine I'll try to get over it n start talkin as friends even though it's goin to be hard.

Hurts

I was there with Draya knowin he is hangin with her in the other room it just makes it hurt more. He told his brother he try's to tlk to me yes he does but it seems like I'm trying to keep a convo n it's hard so I stop cuz I feel I might break down n say stuff. His brother is right it is very ocword. I will always ask me alot of why questions but none will get answered n some can't cuz what happened I can't do anything about just suffer in silence something I'm used to. I can't even smile like I used to everyone seems to notice at times cuz I fake a smile but it's forced, I deal with this by myself cuz I don't care to involve everyone I talk lil about it, I don't laugh at everything I used to sometimes it's forced I can't help it n it's weird the first time I've been like this over any guy. I hope I get over it soon but probably won't but just hope I can be strong n act like myself some. I love him still n it hurts to but I can't help it. I can see it clear in my mind it hurt but it's all I can think about. :'(

Well :(

I try to focus but its hard with this ache in my heart n I can feel it through out the whole day. Everyone askes whats wrong and it makes me get teary just thinking about it and I end up chocking up the reason and start shaking a bit and tears run down my face. Wrong Uncle really keep asking me I said I'm fine he was persistent n said were my normal Angie the one that always looking up and smiling and joking around well then I told him he said don't worry no man's worth crying for till 25 and it made me laugh but yet true kinda but it doesn't help the pains still there and I keep breaking down. In the morning I banged my head against the wall and thought it would keep pain off my heart for awhile, and then when it didn't work punched a shelf a few times no marks on me just red hands, when that didn't work I gave up n was hurting not only my heart but were I hit. Then when my horrible headache came at the end of the day I was crying not only cuz my head pain but cuz my heart ache too. People asked about it why it might hurt I said I hit my head but don't know why just cuz I didn't want him to feel bad. I ended up talking to him a for a bit and then just standing there silent but I couldn't talk much cuz it hurt but I had to do it so he didn't feel bad. I had to hug him its comforting but when I pull away and no kiss it hurts more and the ache in my heart hurts more. I am just sad and tend to think alot about it I can't help it, it hurts to damn much.

hurt n trust

hurt but it will heal eventually.
i remember why I have trust issues cuz I always tend to lose the ones I trust n left allown to deal with thing hurt n lost without being able to tell someone everything. my trust issues get bigger n bigger each time. i havent wanted to see n talk to Cynthia as bad as I did this time it hurts so bad hope time will heal it. well Im done with this stuff n cant wait for college n move further in life.