Hurts

I was there with Draya knowin he is hangin with her in the other room it just makes it hurt more. He told his brother he try's to tlk to me yes he does but it seems like I'm trying to keep a convo n it's hard so I stop cuz I feel I might break down n say stuff. His brother is right it is very ocword. I will always ask me alot of why questions but none will get answered n some can't cuz what happened I can't do anything about just suffer in silence something I'm used to. I can't even smile like I used to everyone seems to notice at times cuz I fake a smile but it's forced, I deal with this by myself cuz I don't care to involve everyone I talk lil about it, I don't laugh at everything I used to sometimes it's forced I can't help it n it's weird the first time I've been like this over any guy. I hope I get over it soon but probably won't but just hope I can be strong n act like myself some. I love him still n it hurts to but I can't help it. I can see it clear in my mind it hurt but it's all I can think about. :'(